June 15, 2025: The Sweater and the Sword: Two Visions of Manhood
Men must choose how they will live out the fatherly roles they will inevitably be called to fulfill. While some of us are parents to children, we all have vocations that include the call to serve, mentor, nurture, and care for others. As the dad of two sons, I have learned that fulfilling my call to fatherhood involves equal parts creative improvisation and emulating role models. Among the men who have inspired me in my vocation as “father”—a role I also fulfill in my vocations of teacher, mentor, and friend—are Fred Rogers and his colleague “Officer” Francois Clemmons, Oscar Romero, Henri Nouwen, Jackie Robinson, and Thomas Merton. Some were parents, all are father figures. They were prophetic yet gentle; servant leaders who were courageous, embracive, wise, and open to ever-evolving growth. They were loving and compassionate and believed in the power of truth.
In our Catholic tradition, the archetype of fatherhood is St. Joseph. When I became a first-time dad with the birth of my Michael in 2008, a colleague gave me a wooden statue of St. Joseph, with a note—“he’s a good saint for dads.” Synchronistically, around that time, I was asked to give a presentation on Joseph from biblical and spiritual perspectives. As I review the reflections I prepared, I see that the Spirit gave me that opportunity to articulate for myself and others the kind of dad and man I wanted to be. “Joseph was the first teacher of Jesus; in addition to carpentry, Joseph taught his son patience, good judgment, truthfulness, faith, hope, and love; he’s the one who answered Jesus’ questions about religion, and did all this with quiet humility. He must have been solid, steady, always there. For Joseph, it was never about him.”
Joseph’s and Mr. Roger’s fatherliness, their expression of masculinity, is in competition with a more aggressive, crude expression that seems to currently have a perverse appeal to many men, especially the young. Journalist and commentator David Brooks likens it to a form of neo-paganism—“This ethos encourages egotists to puff themselves up and boast in a way they find urgently satisfying; self-love is the only form of love they know… Think of Achilles slaughtering his enemies before the walls of Troy. For a certain sort of perpetual boy, what could be cooler than that? But there is little compassion in this worldview, no concept that humility might be a virtue. There is a callous tolerance of cruelty.” Contrast the violence and pride of Achilles with the patience and gentleness of St. Joseph, or with the other fatherly role models I have mentioned above.
I don’t think I need to call out the morally diminutive men on our public stage who embody this paganism—their name is legion and their negative example is clear. I find hope, however, in the many examples of authentic fatherliness and healthy masculinity that serve as a counter-witness to this toxicity. Recently, Pope Leo XIV has been especially inspiring. His Urbi et Orbi remarks on the day of his election were replete with prayers for peace and stressed the importance of dialogue and bridge-building, of solidarity and care for the vulnerable. What the pope has been modeling for us thus far is not only a style of leadership, but a way of being a man that is characterized by gentleness, decency, humility, and being with and for others. He is acting like a father and a gentleman, and I’m personally delighted to see an American on the world stage exemplifying these traits. We all—especially we men—can learn something from him!
On this Fathers Day I invite you to contemplate your patron saints of fatherhood. I pray that they will bless and inspire you as you work, in your own way, to bring love, patience, dignity, compassion and heartfelt expressions of care to others.
— Brian Pinter, Pastoral Associate